


Never let you sweep me off my feet

by flame_prince (princess_bubblegum)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Angst, F/M, Gen, Heteronormativity, Homophobia, Human AU, Humor, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Other, Soulmate AU, WARNINGS:, fun stuff like that, i guess, little bit of cursing, theres cake
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-10
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-17 02:13:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3511418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princess_bubblegum/pseuds/flame_prince
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He’d dreamed of this moment, maybe she would have a name close to his mother’s like <em>Maryanne</em>, or maybe <em>Joanna</em>, he always thought that was a pretty name, or maybe something simple like <em>Emily</em>. he stumbled into the bathroom after whipping open the door, his stomach turning with anticipation. He yanked off his shirt in front of the mirror.<br/>It took a moment to decipher the mirrored word. He checked a few times to be sure he was reading it right.<br/><em>Castiel</em>. Castiel. He didn’t… Was that a girl’s name… or a boy’s?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm good at writing siblings, cause I have two of my own, but I'm really terrible at writing romance. I'm also not a great editor either, if you see any mistakes please tell me.
> 
> The title is from 'Bulletproof' by: La Roux

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warnings** : (the warnings themselves might be triggering, be careful, I care about u ^.^)
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> Reference to **alcohol** , implied/referenced **mental abuse/neglect** , **death of a family member**

He’d had the name for two years now. He knew, he _knew_ most people didn’t meet their soulmate till adulthood, but he couldn’t help but be anxious, everyone was. Dean pushed his shirt back down and left the bathroom, absentmindedly rubbing his shoulder.

“She’s gonna be gorgeous.” John spoke as Dean dropped the hand on his shoulder, surprised, his dad patted his shoulder as he stepped into the bathroom. His father’s words made a tiny spike of resentment in Dean’s chest, he knew he shouldn’t resent his father. He was only trying to reassure him. And being a father was something Dean should be grateful his dad was even trying at, but Dean didn’t know Castiel’s gender. John definitely didn’t know. All his dad was reassuring Dean, was that if it was a guy he wouldn’t accept him.

Not knowing this, was something that frustrated Dean even further. He'd Googled the name, the angel of _Thursday_? An angel who didn't have any specific gender association. He treaded back to the bed he and Sammy had shared for the night, plopping down beside his little brother. He turned to look at the still-sleeping face of the ten-year-old, he gently began to shake him awake.

“Sam, Sammy! Wake up.” he shifted and cracked his eyes open.

“Dean…?”

“Dad’s up, we’ll probably go eat soon.”

"Oka-aaah,” he yawned and stretched, sitting up.

 

~~~

 

Dean took long impatient strides to class, he wasn’t late, but he was stressed. He hated being jealous of Sam, but their father had been so distinctly proud that his son had a girl’s name, _Jessica_ , not the way he was about Castiel.

 

_Dean had tossed and turned all night, his_ twelfth _birthday. He would get the name today. He didn’t really sleep at all, and he felt the tingly burning feeling in his shoulder, but he didn’t get up to go to the bathroom and check until the saw the first light of day. He jumped up and scurried to the bathroom, only vaguely thinking that he shouldn’t wake up Dad or Sam._

_He’d dreamed of this moment, maybe she would have a name close to his mother’s like_ Maryanne _, or maybe_ Joanna _, he always thought that was a pretty name, or maybe something simple like_ Emily _. he stumbled into the bathroom after whipping open the door, his stomach turning with anticipation. He yanked off his shirt in front of the mirror._

_It took a moment to decipher the mirrored word. He checked a few times to be sure he was reading it right._

Castiel _. Castiel. He didn’t… Was that a girl’s name… or a boy’s? Dean was still tingling from the excitement of the newfound mark, but he now also felt panic, how would Dad react? What would Sammy think?_

_It was a weird name._

_“Dean!” it was his father. He sounded excited. Dean’s stomach rolled. “Come in here and show us!”_

_He picked his shirt up from the floor of the bathroom and pulled it back on. He left the bathroom and moved back out to his father and brother. He look warily at them._

_“Let us see, Dean!!” Sammy bounced on the bed as Dean walked out, he couldn't help but smile at his brother’s energy. Little kids were always like that, perfectly energetic even when getting up at the crack of dawn._

_Dean stepped closer to them, sitting together on the bed. He rolled up the sleeve of his t-shirt, letting them see the name on his shoulder. His father squinted, while Sam jumped up and grabbed his arm, to get a good look at the name written there._

_“...Castiel?” his father voiced gruffly._

_“I think it sounds cool!” Sam bounced between them grinning._

_“That a girl’s name?” his dad asked, he was looking at Dean with a look akin to the way you might stare at a treacherous alien._

_Dean shrugged, not having an answer, he looked down in shame._

_“I hope I get a really cool name too.” without being really sure what was going on, Sammy tried to break the tension, in that way little kids do. The smile had faded a little though when he saw that his family wasn’t so pleased. But Sam had learned not to ask what was wrong. You learn that well enough after much drunken yelling and a crying brother trying to hide his tears._

_“Well, we know that she’ll be a real catch.” it was awkward and stiff, and he had called Castiel ‘she’ despite the fact that Dean had just confirmed his lack of knowledge toward their gender._

_Dean gave a smile that was more of a grimace and pulled his brother, who was still clutching his arm, into a hug._

 

He also needed to get his brother a gift, he was terrible at gifts. Sammy was such a nerd, he would probably be ecstatic if Dean bought one of those books he kept staring at every time they went to Walmart. And a cake too, he’d pick up a cake. So that’s settled, visit to Walmart after school. He’d just have to hurry so he could go in between the short time it took for the high school to dismiss and the middle school to get out. That was a period of time that was barely existent. Now, he just had to worry about suffering through his classes, fidgeting impatiently.

 

~~~

 

Dean doodled on the worksheet that had been handed out, this was his last class, school was almost out. He kept scribbling absently as he stared at the clock intently. He jumped up as the bell rung, gathering his books that he’d organized on his desk in anticipation of dismissal.

“Hand in your worksheets as you leave!!” the teacher yelled to the rowdy class, quickly moving to the doorway to collect the students' papers as they rushed out.

Dean hurried to the door from the back of the class, moving past students still gathering their belongings. He shoved his basically empty worksheet to the teacher and sprinted to his car. He had to get to the store, get the stuff, secure it in the trunk, hopefully in a way that would save it from damage, then pick up Sam at the middle school. He also had to formulate an excuse as to why he was late picking him up.

 

~~~

 

Sam sat on one of the benches in front of the school, he looked to be deep in thought, but he jumped up quickly when the Impala rolled up. He threw his bookbag into the back seat and got in shotgun, before slamming the door.

“Sorry I’m late, traffic.” Dean said awkwardly as a way of explanation. Sam nodded distractedly, luckily too deep in his contemplation to see through the some-what obvious lie.

“I suppose you never had this problem, but I can’t help thinking of all the Jessica’s I’ve ever met, what if one of them was my soulmate?” though the question was rhetorical, Sam looked over at Dean expectantly. He just revved the engine and drove away from the school. “Also, Dean... I’ve been thinking about it for a while. When I was younger I never really understood the implications of ‘Castiel’ and I’m sorry about Dad.” Sam said it solemnly.

Dean shifted awkwardly, “Don’t know what you mean, Sammy.”

Sam looked exasperated then, he made what Dean had decided to call 'Bitchface' and then he stated it outright, “The gender ambiguity! The fact that ‘Castiel’ could be a boy’s or a girl’s name.”

Dean glared over at his little brother taking his eyes off the road for that second.

“That doesn’t matter, Sam.” he looked back to his driving.

“It kinda does, Dean. God, it’s like you’re allergic to talking about things!”

“OK, fine. Dad’s a homophobic bastard! That make you happy. It doesn’t matter cause I’m never gonna meet this, _this_ ‘ _Castiel_ ’ anyway. So, drop it.”

Sam glared at him, looking betrayed, “Don’t say that, Dean, of course you’re gonna meet them.”

“Really. How often ‘you meet a ‘Castiel’?” Dean glanced over and raised his eyebrows at Sam. “Huh? Sounds like some kinds mystical being. Actually! You know what, I looked it up-- it’s an angel’s name! A fuckin’ angel! What kinda guy like me deserves an angel!?”

“Really, Dean! Is this another thing about you insecurity complex! Fuck that!”

Dean turned to gape at him as they stopped at a red light. “You don’t use that language!”

“You just said it!!” Sam yelled back.

“Yeah, well, you’re twelve. I’m sixteen.” Dean said firmly, Sam scowled at him, “why would I want to meet someone who could just break my heart, anyway?” Dean had turned back to being more serious as he looked intently at the road once the drove past the stop light.

“Is this about Mom?” Sam asked quietly.

“ _Sam_.” Dean ended the conversation. Once they were back at the motel Dean finally looked at Sam again, he saw how dejected the kid looked, nobody should look like that on their birthday.

Dean grabbed his brother’s shoulder before he could leave the car, “Sammy,” he said softly, “really, it’s okay.” he smiled, “Come on, it’s your birthday.”

Sam quirked a smile back and they both got out, Dean walked around and opened the trunk, as Sam grabbed his heavily packed bookbag from the car. Dean always left his school stuff in the car, it wasn’t like he was gonna study anyway. Sam looked curiously back at him as Dean hid the stuff behind his back. He shut the trunk and shooed his brother away. Sam laughed.

“So that’s why you were late.”

“Shut up, and open the door, Bitch.”

“Jerk.” They smiled as they fell into an easy rhythm. “Dad?” Sam called out tepidly into the dark motel room, both were guilty hoping he was still out working. Dean set the bags on the table and pulled out the cake out as Sam turned back around and shut the door.

He sat in one of the chairs beside the table and waited, twitching with anticipation as Dean jabbed 12 candles in and lit them. Cake read ‘Happy 12th B-day, Sammy!’. Dean sat down beside him and sang happy birthday quickly, before telling him to blow the candles out.

He complied happily cherishing these few and far between family moments. Even if it was just him and Dean. Sam had also made a wish, it was simple, he only wished that he and Dean would be happy. That was his wish every year, he decided he was either jinxing himself by wishing the same thing over and over, or, there was very powerful magic and it was just slow to come. Either way, it was far too late to stop the tradition now, what’s done is done. They ate two slices of cake, before closing it back up and leaving it on the table.

Dean then, smiled, and presented him a bag tied around something rectangular, that felt suspiciously like a book. Sam unknotted the handles of the thin plastic bag and pulled out a paperback copy of ‘Tomorrow When the War Began by John Marsden’.

“Thanks, Dean.” he reached over and wrapped his arms around his brother’s torso, Dean returned the hug, ruffling his hair.

“‘Welcome, Sammy.”

Sam opened the book immediately and began to read while Dean just moved over to the TV set, watching some Spanish soap opera. They stayed like that for the rest of the night, until their Dad came home.

Luckily he wasn’t drunk, but when he opened the door he stated, “We’re leavin’ tomorrow.” Then he just went over and lay down on one of the beds.

There was really no reason a mechanic had to travel around the country, in fact it seemed that would hurt the business. But, it was really only running, running from Mary’s memory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess this is a prologue? I'm not sure if I'll put more chapters on this, or put it in a series, or what.
> 
> I feel Sam cause we're both the youngest, it was fun putting some my own experiences of that in. You know Dean would totally be a hypocrite about swearing. Wow, I can't believe I sat for like three days straight and wrote 14 pages of this shit, which I still have yet to edit. I actually did research on a book that would fit the time line, so yeah! Haven't actually read the book myself, I bet Sam saw the show they made and he's just like, 'the book was better'.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look, I finally actually posted something~  
> I reiterate: I am bad at writing romance. Hope you like, tell me what you think please!
> 
>  I put the Warnings in the end notes, cause they're a little spoiler-y (but not to anything plot related; does this even have a plot?), so go look if you need to (especially if ur trans) p.s. the words themselves could be triggering, idk.

Dean walked into his apartment, slipping off his shirt. It had taken them 22 years, but they were all somewhat settled. Sam had run off to college, Stanford University, where he finally met Jessica. Dean didn’t want to admit that he was again jealous. He’s been jealous too much over the past years, he hated it. But, he always felt the burning rotten emotion whenever Sam had met a Jessica, asking her if she had his name too. Even if he was always let down, and now he found the real girl. Not that Dean wasn’t happy too, Sam was his brother. He just couldn’t ever fully rid himself of the envy.

Dean had left his dad to get an apartment in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, where Bobby lived. He picked up work at Bobby’s Salvage yard. Bobby and Dad had been friends once, but he was still angry at John for the way he had dragged Sam and Dean around with his grief. Bobby had also been a better father to the boys than John ever had. And John himself, was still running for all Dean knew.

He turned to the mirror then, staring at the signature, the skin was raised there, red and blistery, like all names were, until you met your soulmate. Cas, as Dean had come to refer to his soulmate, had a slanted zig-zagging scrawl. He traced his finger over the writing. Well, he was going to have this blister forever. He pulled a clean shirt from the pile of clothes on the floor and put it on, then changed his pants as well. He was going to meet Lisa, and he didn’t want to have clothes covered in grime. There was a lot of stigma around them, he and Lisa were not soulmates, she didn’t have the secret middle name Castiel or anything, she, in fact, had the name ‘Anna’ written on the inside of her arm. But, they did care about each other deeply, and they could be happy together.

Bobby never said anything, probably because it wasn’t his business and Bobby was never one to butt into things that weren’t his business.

Most people never said anything, mostly because they didn’t know, unless Lisa was wearing a short sleeved shirt and they happened to see her name.

 

_“Your name’s ‘Anna’?” the question was meant to be funny but it was almost wary, like ‘what else could they be doing if they aren’t soulmates?’_

_“No.” Dean’s reply was callous._

_They didn’t laugh much about that._

_People would whisper around them, you could never quite hear them, it didn’t matter, those people were idiots._

 

Sam did say things, they weren’t hateful things, mostly supportive. A few admonishing. This was just because he was the type of person to butt into things that weren’t his business.

 

~~~

 

God, What had xe just done?

Castiel had driven hundreds of miles away from xyr home, just to stop, somewhere in South Dakota, ‘cause xyr car was making weird noises. And Why?

Because…! Because, xe was tired of sitting in some office all day, hating every minute, xe was tired of people telling xem that xe must be a man, xe was so tired of doing whatever everyone else wanted.

Castiel stayed where xe was, forehead pressed to the steering wheel that xe was gripping. Xry hand felt strange and it tingled, almost like static. Drawing breath for a few moments and calming down, xe finally sat back and looked at xyr hand, they rubbed their thumb across the thin curling handwriting, wondering why it was irritated. Dean couldn’t possibly be here, that would be insane, to just drive 500 miles and suddenly find your soulmate. It reminded xem of that song, which was kind of hilarious in a hysteric way. Castiel began to murmur that one lyric.

“... _and I would walk five hundred miles..._ ” xyr low voice rumbled out almost imperceptibly, as Castiel finally started the car again, pulling it back onto the road. Xe needed to find a shop, to check it out. It was still making those bumping noises, and after xe had a functioning car, then, xe could figure out the rest.

 

~~~

 

“All I’m sayin’ is it wouldn’t hurt ‘em to make those with a little more cheese.”

Lisa laughed, “Maybe, they just don’t want to give anyone a heart attack on the spot.” she then ushered Ben towards the car. She hadn't planned on getting pregnant when she was eighteen, but Ben had been a blessing, now 8-years-old. He was a little darling and Dean adored him as much as he adored Dean. “Say bye, sweetie.”

Ben waved and smiled as he got into the car with his mother and they pulled away from the shop.

“He’s a sweet kid.” Bobby said as he came up beside Dean.

“Yeah.” Dean agreed.

“And she’s a lovely woman.” Bobby smiled at Dean’s loving smile.

“I got real lucky, didn’t I?”

“You bet, son.” Bobby slapped him on the shoulder as they walked back to the garage. Bobby didn’t butt in, but he would always support Dean, even when he was an idjit.

They turned back around as a light blue car pulled up, it was making a weird bumping noise.

A man stepped out, he wore a tan trench coat that didn’t fit quite right, and his tie was sitting backwards on his chest.

“Mr. Singer?” he questioned, his voice was surprisingly deep and gravelly. Dean’s shoulder burned and he rolled it a bit trying to ignore the feeling.

“That’d be me, just Bobby’s fine.” Bobby held out his right hand, which the man hesitantly shook. Bobby pulled his hand away quickly though.

“Damn, your hand’s burning up, the hell?”

“I apologize,” he looked down at his hand with embarrassment, “It’s my soul mark, it’s acting up… I usually wear a glove.”

“Probly, means your soulmate’s near, ‘s what happened to me when I met Karen.” the man looked down at his hand with concern.

Dean was too distracted by the tingling sensation in his shoulder, like it had fallen asleep or something, to register what they were saying.

“ _Dean_ …” the man murmured with significance as he stared down at his hand.

Dean looked up at the quiet sounding of his name. Bobby was looking between them with surprise before he took a step back, as though to allow them room for their realization.

Dean gripped his shoulder, too many strong emotions thrumming through him, clogging his throat. He could feel his heart beating quickly in his chest, he stared at Castiel intently, but the man was still staring down at his hand with furrowed eyebrows.

“ _Cas_ … Castiel?” Cas’s head whipped up and he took two sure strides towards Dean.

Castiel was about two inches shorter than Dean, but they way he stood, so sure. He seemed the size of the Chrysler Building.

“Where’s your mark?” Castiel asked. Dean pulled his shirt sleeve down to reveal the blood red, irritated mark of Castiel’s name. Castiel raised his hand, staring, piercingly into Dean’s eyes, he finally pressed his flushed hand to Dean’s shoulder. They both sighed in relief as the hot pins-and-needles subsided from their respective appendages. When Castiel pulled his hand away, their marks had faded to brownish-pink scars, like ones you got from a bad burn, like they had been branded.

Dean took in the man once again, his head was clear from the burning but too many feelings and thoughts clouded his mind. He was standing too close and they were both breathing heavy. Dean took a step back and Castiel looked confused.

The two foremost emotions in Dean’s mind were longing and anger, he’d been waiting for, 14 years and _now_... _Now_ , there was Lisa, and _now_ seemed a little too late. It was irrational to be angry at this man who stood earnestly in front of him. He needed Castiel, and he knew it somewhere deep down. He wanted to know this man, to feel him, in most all possible ways. It was frustrating. And after a moment of staring at his feet with furrowed eyebrows and burning eyes. Dean just turned and walked to the house, letting the door clatter shut behind him, Castiel stared after him as he walked away.

 

“Son, you alright?”

Castiel had been just standing there for a while now, blinking. Xe shook xemself mentally, before looking up at Bobby.

“Um, I’ll just… go.” Castiel turned and began to walk to xyr car before Bobby gripped xyr shoulder and yanked xem back around.

“Uh-uh, you’re not just gonna leave.” it was half-statement, half-question and Bobby searched Castiel’s face as xe stared down.

“It’s fairly obvious that Dean doesn’t want me here.” Castiel felt xyr anger and frustration and hurt burning behind xyr eyes. Maybe if xe hadn’t dreamed so hard. Maybe if xe’d been more realistic. Castiel should’ve known not even xyr soulmate would accept xem. Castiel clenched xyr right hand over Dean’s name.

Bobby’s gaze softened, “Look, I know it may seem that way, but Dean’s had it rough--”

Castiel suddenly jerked xyr shoulder from Bobby’s grip, then stared straight into Bobby’s eyes.

“How does Dean think I’ve had it.” xyr low voice was quiet venom. “If Dean wanted me to be here, then _Dean_ should be out here telling me.” Castiel then whipped around, trench coat sailing out behind xem. Xe got in xyr weird-noise-making car and drove away.

 

Bobby slammed into the house, he stomped up the stairs.

“Winchester! You Idjit! You know what you just done?”

Dean had his head in his hands refusing to look at Bobby.

“That was your soulmate, Dean!”

“You don’t think I know that, Bobby!?!” Dean finally looked up to yell back at him.

Bobby crossed his arms, standing in the door frame.

“What was I supposed to do? Have some magical fairy-tale kiss and ride off into the sunset?” Dean’s voice strained with desperation, and he had tears on his cheeks. Bobby sat down beside him on the bed.

“You could’ve just talked to him.”

When Dean said nothing Bobby got frustrated again.

“You know what Dean? I’ve been nice, I haven’t said one word, because you were happy and you and Lisa were good. And that’s good. But that was your _soulmate_ out there and he thinks you didn’t want him to be there. He probably thinks you hate him. And he also probably wants to hate you, but he can’t, cause guess what! You’re his soulmate. Think about how that feels. Getting rejected by that one person.  You should’ve at least told him about Lisa. Now Dean, guess what. He’s driving away right now and you might not ever see him again, I suggest you go catch him, real quick.”

 

~~~

 

Castiel didn’t leave town, xe didn’t really have any where to go, and xe _definitely_ wasn’t going back home. And despite everything Castiel really wanted to hope that Dean didn’t hate xem.

Xe bought a room at a run-down motel, grateful xyr car had yet to completely break down, xe patted the roof of the 2002 blue Sedan appreciatively.

Castiel fitted the room key in the lock, twisting it and the door knob, letting the door swing open. Xe stumbled past the threshold, and locking the door behind xemself. Castiel sprawled out on the bed, almost wanting to go get drunk, but not having the will to get up. Maybe tomorrow.

After driving 8 hours, on a spur-of-the-moment urge, then meeting your soulmate, only to have them reject you, is what Castiel considers a long day.

 

~~~

 

Despite the Winchesters being the most stubborn family of idjits Bobby had ever known, Dean did listen to him. Bobby was a little worried though, he’d tried to sleep, only to wake up at 6 AM and check his phone to find nothing from Dean. He was fine though, maybe they had talked for a while and then gone to bed, or they talked through the night.

Bobby rubbed his hip as he sat down at his desk with coffee. Sometimes he still got ghost pains from his soul mark, it felt like before he had met Karen. So long ago, Yesterday had brought those feelings back to the surface. Like the mark was burning for that one person again. He could still see it clearly, he’d watched her get shot through the chest, Rufus had killed that maniac afterwards, but it was too late for Karen.

He and Rufus had been together a while after that, but it didn’t last.

Bobby tried to expel the past from his mind with the burn of the scalding coffee down his throat.

 

~~~

 

Castiel blinked awake to the sound of urgent knocking on xyr door. Scrambling in to get to the door in a sleepily-dazed panic. Xe stared in confusion at the man at the door.

“Uh, Cas!” Dean had apparently not been expecting him (Dean had in fact tried three doors before this, only to be answered with angry strangers, and he was about to be answered with an angry sort-of stranger.).

“What time is it.” Castiel growled out, not feeling particularly merciful at this time of day.

“Umm, 6 AM, I think.” Dean took in the unchanged hair and the rumpled coat, apparently the bed-head was not a stylistic choice. “Can I come in?”

“Why?” Castiel was now looking a bit more like a puppy, afraid but hoping to trust. Dean felt guilt twist in his gut.

“I wanted to talk.”

Castiel stepped back and let the door open wider, xe was still fully dressed, except for xyr tie and shoes which had found their way to the grubby motel floor.

“How did you find me?”

“I knew what your car looked like.”

“Why are you here now?”

Dean winced, “I’m sorry, Cas.”

Castiel locked the door behind Dean and shuffled over to the dinky coffee maker, letting xyr socks slide on the linoleum floors. Castiel sat at the tiny table, while the coffee maker poured out the dark liquid slowly with a drip-drip-drip. Dean stood awkwardly in the middle of the floor.

“I have a girlfriend!” Dean suddenly blurted.

Castiel furrowed xyr eyebrows and nodded.

“Okay.” Cas said slowly.

“That’s kinda why I freaked out.”

“That would have been good to know, sit down, Dean.”

Dean did sit, feeling like a fidgety little kid, under the calm gaze of his soulmate.

“I-- I am also a little afraid of you.” Dean admitted, he had never told anyone but Sam about how he feared having a soulmate.

Castiel looked confused and upset, but also not very surprised. Many people were intimidated by xyr demeanor.

“Not because of you specifically, the idea of you, a soulmate.” this both clarified and further complicated things for Castiel.

“You’re afraid... of having a soulmate?” Castiel queried with confusion.

“Yeah.” Dean said sheepishly.

“Why?” Castiel looked concerned.

“Because… well-- I might have to tell you my life story.”

“I would not be adverse to that.” Castiel let a tiny quirk come to xyr lips.

“Wait til the coffee’s done?” Dean proposed nervously, hoping to get a little time to gather his thoughts and also because he had been looking for Cas all night, so he was kinda half-asleep.

“Hmm, yes.” Castiel looked serene, and somewhat angelic, in the bright morning sunlight streaming through the window.

The coffee finally beeped and Cas fished two mugs out of the cabinet, before searching for creamers and sugar.

“Just black for me.” Cas gave him a look, like xe thought that was kinda fucked-up, but shrugged and poured the coffee, before handing him the mug.

Castiel then poured xyr own coffee, setting it down on the table. Then xe plucked a spoon from the drawer, a handful of those tiny half-and-half cups and four sugars packets. Cas plopped down in the chair, putting all the little creamers in and the four artificial sweeteners. Xe stirred the coffee languidly, tiny clinks coming from the spoon tapping the ceramic.

Dean sipped his coffee, hiding behind it as Castiel stared at him.

“Could I just get my thoughts together for a minute?” Dean asked from behind the mug.

“Take all the time you need.”

Castiel did not look away, Dean was starting to feel his face heat up.

“Could you not stare at me?”

“Oh.” Castiel looked embarrassed, xe then purposefully glued xyr eyes down on xyr coffee.

Dean waited a few more moments, sipping his coffee a bit more, Castiel glanced up at him a few times during those moments, but xe was careful not to stare.

“I was four when my Mom died.” Castiel looked up in surprise when he spoke, but xe didn’t interrupt. “She died in a fire, saving Sammy.” Dean realized Cas didn’t actually know who Sam was.

Dean looked up to find Cas staring again, but it didn’t bother him, “Sam’s my little brother.” it wasn’t a pity stare or a horrified stare, it was just, intense, analyzing, almost admiring. Dean didn’t really like to be picked apart and analyzed but he couldn’t find it in himself to find the staring as anything but endearing. As it went on though, Dean had to say he did get a little unnerved seeing those eyes watching him, rarely blinking.

So he stared back down at his coffee and went on with his story, “Dad dragged us around the country all our lives, he’s still is running.” Dean huffed out a bitter laugh, “54 years old, and he still can’t face her.” He shook his head, continuing,  “three years ago, Sammy left for Stanford, little while after that, I left to come here, and I’ve been working for Bobby, he’s been like a Father to me, then Lisa came to town, we had both decided we were fed up with this soulmate thing and… It’s just… I guess I’m really just scared you’re gonna break my heart, like what happened to Dad.” Dean didn’t say anything else for a while and Castiel stayed silent too.

“Huh, guess my life story isn’t as long as I thought.” The corner of Dean’s mouth lifted, it had been simpler to tell than he had expected.

“I bet it would be a few years longer if you went into detail.” Castiel spoke helpfully, and Dean smiled completely, Cas smiled back at him.

“Wanna tell me yours?”

Castiel looked almost surprised to be asked, xe contemplated for a moment before beginning to tell.

“My Dad wasn’t around much and my Mom left after I was born. Mostly my siblings raised me, it seems that you and Sam had a similar arrangement.” Cas looked at Dean for a moment before continuing,

“I was 14 when I realized I was neither male, nor female, I just, simply, am.”

Dean looked surprised at this development.

“Um, how?” Dean interrupted. Cas sighed, xe had been hoping they wouldn’t have to have this conversation.

“There are more than two genders, Dean.” Castiel spoke flatly.

“So like…” Dean trailed off, it was clear he did not know what it was like.

“Please just look it up.” Castiel pleaded.

“Alright, sorry.”

“It’s fine, most people are very ignorant about this subject.” Dean felt a little stung by being roped in with ‘most people’, but he didn’t push it.

“Also,” Cas added, “please refer to me with xe/xem/xyr pronouns.”

“Uh, okay.”

“It’s spelled with an ‘x’.”

“Got it.”

There was awkward, and stifling silence for a while.

“...Your story?” Dean picked the conversation back up. Castiel hummed, letting the silence hover a little more comfortably for a moment before starting xyr story again.

“I had  to wear gloves for most of my school career, or otherwise be subjected daily to slurs and harassment.” Castiel admitted this one slowly, it was painful in a way xe didn’t like to admit, xe hated that those terrible people had been able to get to xem.

Dean blanched for a moment, then he slumped over on the table and moaned, “I’m gonna have to tell my dad about you.”

Castiel reached over, placing a hand over Dean’s, “Your dad is…” many words came to Dean’s mind, _awful_ , _terrible_ , _hateful_. But Castiel said none of that, “Well, my dad never cared one way or another, he never much cared about anything we did.”

Dean moved his hand and grasped Cas’s hand in return, Castiel looked down at him and smiled again, though Dean couldn’t see it with his face on the table.

“When I was 19 I found that I am asexual, I didn’t really know I was different from anyone else until then.” Castiel waited for a moment, hoping Dean knew about asexuality. The pause was too long and Dean moved up to look at Castiel. Xe was looking at him with anticipation and Dean almost laughed.

“I know about asexuality, I did a lot of research in 9th grade, decided I was bisexual; Sam was so surprised when I knew what demisexuality was.” He added the last part, sounding fondly amused.

“Well,” Cas continued, relieved, “I was in college then and I wanted to get a major in ancient languages and minor in religious studies, and maybe a different minor in art." Xe spoke thoughtfully, reminiscing xyr unwalked path, "but, my father wanted me to do business and take over our family’s company, and that was my big mistake, listening to him. I don’t even know why I would, he was never there.” Castiel shook xyr head, regretting so much, “I’ve been working in the company ever since college, and it’s been hell.”

Castiel glanced down at xyr hands for a moment, to where Dean’s thumb was rubbing his hand, “And that’s how I got here, I ran away, mid-life crisis, I guess.”

Dean froze, “Wait, how old are you?”

“Thirty, why?”

“Oh,” Dean said relaxing, “I thought you were _actually_ fort--...” Castiel was staring again.

“Not that you look forty!” Dean was quick to amend, because xe really didn’t. Dean had made a specific vow, not to ogle his customers, especially since he was in a committed relationship, but he definitely _hadn’t_ , _not_ noticed how attractive Castiel was.

“Dean, it’s fine.” Castiel assured him, because xe knew what Dean meant, and they didn’t really know very much information about each other. “Really, we don’t even know each other’s last names.”

“Right,” Dean had forgotten to mention that, “real introductions before hand holding.” Dean slipped his hand away, leaving Castiel frowning at this development.

“Dean Winchester.”

Dean held his right hand out to shake and Castiel complied, “Castiel Novak.”

“Nice to meet you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings:**  
>  **Misgendering** (it's on accident, tho, but still, _but still_ ), **Binary enforcing** (I don't know if I'm the first one to come up with that, but I haven't seen anyone else say it, maybe it's just like a synonym to non-binary erasure??), **Mentions of past bullying & homophobia** and such; slight reference to: **burns/branding** , **guns** and **death**.
> 
> I put the warnings at the end cause I wanted to surprise you with non-binary Castiel (ha, that's my tumblr url).  
> Guess what Dean! Cas isn't a girl OR a boy's name, hahaha! I laugh at you puny cis man!
> 
> (I talk too much:)  
> Castiel is meant to be coming from Chicago, so yeah. Also, yes, Dean and Lisa were talking about burgers, if it wasn't obvious. And ok, I basically know nothing about Ben (only a little about Lisa), I tried to watch the episode where they were introduced, but I was super grossed out by how they made an 8-year-old seem to have sexual attraction, that was just ew ew ew, blech! So, basically I just made Ben a shy, caring little sweet-heart (that's also what I think Dean woulda been like if Mary hadn't died-- just saying). Ok, I'm really bad at writing Bobby's vernacular, I'm so sorry. Hohoho, true form reference, I love doing that ;) (I'm basically doing running commentary as I check over for mistakes, so the ignore me is sort of implied :/ ). Dean prolly took a while to calm down, so he was not looking for cas for like 11 hours (oops). Also I read a fic once where anna ended up with lisa and I really liked the idea (if u want to know the fic just ask).
> 
> The 'x' in xe/xyr/xem pronouns is pronounced like a 'z'.  
> If you didn't know, the blank skips are changes in pov and the '~~~' line breaks are time/location jumps.  
> More Lisa (plus Sam and Jess too) next chapter!!
> 
> Again if you see any mistakes, please do tell~ I am not a perfect being, so there will be mistakes.


End file.
